Tomorrow is my birthday.
One of the weird things about getting older, is that I stop and think about life in general. What has changed in the first 20 years of my life. I look at myself, and I am just a college student, home for the summer, working full time, and not at all certain about life.
I compare that to a few years ago when I was in a very different place, eighteen years old, in the military, and having a set career and a goal and purpose to work towards. Yet I can still be happy where I am at today. The world is still there, waiting to be grasped.
But I think about it, and I have already lived a fifth of my life, if not a fourth. And that scares me. I fear death like I fear no other thing on this earth. It is so unknown, yet so permanent. And time is so irreversible. The years are slipping away... and one day I will wake up and just be able to look backwards, because there are no years to look forward to. Already, my childhood and teenage years are past me. I can only look back on them with fond memories. Life is too short. The Bible reminds us that it is a fleeting shadow, a breath of wind, a wave on the shore. It is here but an instant, then gone forever.
One thing I desire here on this earth, and may this be the goal of this next year of my life, as well as the rest of my life: I don't want to waste my life. Every second is precious. Every second counts. I want to make the most of every opportunity to find joy and fulfillment in this passing shadow I call my life.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Humility is a Virtue
Tonight was another long day... Saturday at the pool was slamming, and we had hundreds of people coming through our gates. I got home after working all day in the sun, and made some chocolate cookies, and then did several hours of Spanish homework.
Last night at church was amazing. It was about how the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I go to church on Friday nights because I work Sundays, and that is my only time to get some fellowship and some much needed teaching. Proverbs 1:7 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction."
The wisdom of God may seem like foolishness to man, but man is inherently idiotic. We know absolutely nothing. The more we learn and discover, the more our eyes should be opened to the depth of knowledge yet to be attained.
The whole point though, is letting God control your life, and not controlling your own life. Believe me, He is much more capable of running your life. He is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving. He promised in His word that all things work together for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose.
I wish I was better at trusting God. But I am such a control freak sometimes. I want to psychomanage my life, and I overanalyze everything, and I am so stuck in my pride, that I am running my life, and running it well. What a stuck up assumption! Everything good in my life is a gift from God-- given to me despite my best efforts to thwart His Holy will. I came into this world with nothing. Everything I have is a gift, and it is arrogant to claim even the smallest portion of the credit.
Last night at church was amazing. It was about how the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I go to church on Friday nights because I work Sundays, and that is my only time to get some fellowship and some much needed teaching. Proverbs 1:7 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction."
The wisdom of God may seem like foolishness to man, but man is inherently idiotic. We know absolutely nothing. The more we learn and discover, the more our eyes should be opened to the depth of knowledge yet to be attained.
The whole point though, is letting God control your life, and not controlling your own life. Believe me, He is much more capable of running your life. He is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving. He promised in His word that all things work together for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose.
I wish I was better at trusting God. But I am such a control freak sometimes. I want to psychomanage my life, and I overanalyze everything, and I am so stuck in my pride, that I am running my life, and running it well. What a stuck up assumption! Everything good in my life is a gift from God-- given to me despite my best efforts to thwart His Holy will. I came into this world with nothing. Everything I have is a gift, and it is arrogant to claim even the smallest portion of the credit.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Alone in Our Room
It fairly late at night... and I am alone in my room. Its been kind of weird having my own room to myself, since Andrea didn't come home this summer.
I just finished another week of work, and the next two days (Thursday and Friday) is my weekend! I am going to hit the beach tomorrow morning, and then later in the afternoon I am going into town to get some papers signed for a coaching permit and hopefully buy new sunglasses. Mine broke earlier in the week, and it has been kind of weird using taped up sunglasses.
Life is busy. My summer is pretty much working full time as a lifeguard, and also taking 7 credits of school before I go back to "real" school work. I have very little free time, which is why I value my "weekends" so much. I can't wait to hit the beach!
The rest of my life is kind of hitting a low right now though. I kind of feel like I am aimlessly wandering around, wasting my life. What in the world and I doing right now?? Life is so short. I don't want to waste a second of it. I guess that I might just have to reassess my priorities, and start living my life on purpose.
I just finished another week of work, and the next two days (Thursday and Friday) is my weekend! I am going to hit the beach tomorrow morning, and then later in the afternoon I am going into town to get some papers signed for a coaching permit and hopefully buy new sunglasses. Mine broke earlier in the week, and it has been kind of weird using taped up sunglasses.
Life is busy. My summer is pretty much working full time as a lifeguard, and also taking 7 credits of school before I go back to "real" school work. I have very little free time, which is why I value my "weekends" so much. I can't wait to hit the beach!
The rest of my life is kind of hitting a low right now though. I kind of feel like I am aimlessly wandering around, wasting my life. What in the world and I doing right now?? Life is so short. I don't want to waste a second of it. I guess that I might just have to reassess my priorities, and start living my life on purpose.
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