My Greatest Nightmare

Every day of my life, I am tortured by a memory... I get a sick feeling inside, my stomach ties up in knots, and I feel as if I want to vomit. I fight tears, I fight an insane anger and bitterness that rises up into my mouth. When I remember what I have done, and what has happened to me in this particular instance, I can't help but feel remorse, regret, and self hatred.
When I remember all that was ripped from me; when I recall the shame and pain I had to go through; when the memories haunt and hound me every hour of every day; this is my source, this is my motivation to prove everyone wrong and somehow make amends for what I have lost. Somewhere, somehow, I lost a dream. And that dream was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I carelessly gave up, yet was also ripped from my hands and my heart.
I feel nothing but bitterness here. I aim for nothing less than perfection to try to erase some portion of the stain, to lessen the memory, the torturing sickness that overcomes me. I take my anger, and I use it as my source, and my motivation to do all I was meant to do, more than I dreamed of, because my dreams were taken away. I cannot attain them anymore. I cannot reach lower. I aim higher.
In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "I have learned through bitter experiences the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world."
This is my hope. This is my vow.