Home for the Holidays

Holidays. What an awfully ambiguous word for Christmas--a holiday in which we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Christmastime is a time for joy, a time to celebrate and worship our Father and Creator for His amazing love for us in that He sent His one and only Son to come to Earth as a baby and live on this Earth among us, and then suffer and die for OUR sins. Christmas is about love and being thankful. We celebrate the amazing love of God while we thank him because it is so undeserved.
I am home for the holidays, but because this holidays happens to be Christmas, I am going to spend it seeking after Him, and worshiping Him, and thanking Him for his Amazing gift of his Son Jesus Christ. That is what Christmas is about.

Save the Planet... Kill the babies??

This article made me sick: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,312779,00.html
Since when can not producing save the planet??? The only really successful result will be in seeing the human race die out in one generation. Since when is the planet and nature more important than the human race? There is no point in having a natural world if there are no people to enjoy it. Give me a break people. Be responsible, don't waste the resources available, but seriously, the Earth is not that fragile.
On another related note, the Bible says that mankind was commanded by God to populate the Earth and subdue it. This is our duty, and to refuse to do either is disobeying God. I don't know about you, but I live in a world which was created for me to enjoy; the Earth is there to feed me and to clothe me. Nature is beautiful and is to be enjoyed. Otherwise, a world which you happened to inhabit and therefore live to protect at the expense of your race is a pretty sorry world if you ask me.

Wandering, Searching

Lord, make me a nomad in this pale world,
Loving more the unseen Dream
In its breathless royal color scheme
That shatters my imagining,
Rather than the present flimsy shadows
That somehow seem more real to me
Under the floodlights of society's appeal
than the beyonder, bolder Truth I trust but cannot see.
Yet how compelling is the thrill
Of finding all the daunting troubles
We used to find concerning
Now absurd in light of this new yearning!

Lord, make me a nomad in this ephemeral place
Where a life like wilting flowers
Changes within seconds from a vibrant being
To a shell that death devours.
Make me unconformed to this world's
gods of "beauty", productivity, and self
the driven-ness to always prove, and win,
and regardless of how rich you are, gain wealth.
Instead, transformed and un-belonging in this temporary skin,
Make me see with heaven-set eyes
Knowing that the membrane between now and someday,
Now and always- is so thin.

~FMH

The Semester Comes... the Semester Goes

Four weeks into the school semester, and I think I just got swamped. Papers to write, books to read, projects to research for, classes to attend, court summaries to study... the list goes on. Life suddenly sped up on me, and I sometimes wonder where I am going to find the time to complete everything I need to get done, and still find time for the important things in life. Between all the homework and the regular soccer practices and games, I am finding less and less time to spend on relationships.
I value my friendships highly, more highly than almost anything. Despite the business of life, I try to make my relationships with other people a top priority. However, my biggest fear is falling away from my relationship with God. God is the most important person in my life, and I never spend enough time with him. He deserves my best, my all; yet I am having a good day when I cram fifteen minutes of prayer/reading the Word at the beginning of it. I pray that God will help me make Him a bigger priority, and grant me the grace to dedicate more time to my Heavenly Father. I desire to reflect all of Him to the world around me, yet when I spend so much time on myself instead of Him, all I reflect to this world is my own sinfulness. Yet God is good. In his grace and mercy He continually forgives me and still calls me his own. In His arms I am secure.

Christian Evangelical Fundamentalists

"Christian evangelical fundamentalists". This term is constantly applied to me, and to my school, and I am continually discovering the negative connotations it carries with it. "Christian evangelical fundamentalist" appears to sometimes be used synonymously with "narrow-minded bigots", "judgmental, arrogant hypocrites", "ignorant and naive bumpkins", and much, much worse. The students at Patrick Henry College have been labeled with extremely negative stereotypes, and Christian evangelicals across the nation seem to have drawn the ridicule and anger of many people. Why such a universal dislike of a people who supposedly preach peace and love?
I myself dislike many Christians. Christians are some of the most disagreeable, arrogant hypocrites I have ever met. Many of us will smear our fellow man to the ground in order to prove him wrong, and ourselves right. Rather than speaking the truth in love to the fallen world around us, we speak condemnation with self-righteousness. Yet we are among the greatest sinners. We have been forgiven, we know the darkness of the sin and the penalty paid; yet we still abound in sin. We live no differently from the world, compromising the commands of God for the passing shadow of popularity--all to satisfy our pride. We preach Christ with our lips, yet deny him in our lives. For this, I am sorry. For this, I am ashamed that we, a self-righteous, hypocritical people, present Jesus Christ to the fallen world as a lie.
I am not saying we are all hypocritical. Many Christians live a godly life in obedience to the Word of God, and in love towards other people. These people are amazing examples of God's transforming work in an individual's life. Turning your life completely over to God will show in every aspect of your life. But being able to witness to the world effectively, it is all part of striking a balance... living in the world, but not being of the world. Loving God, and not loving the world.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2). It is a heart issue, and the only way to change is to turn inwards and make your heart right with God. If we keep God at the center, we will be able to love others with the love of God. And if we mirror God's love to the people around us, we are reflecting who He really is to our fellow man.

Ambassadors of God

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation."
(2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2)
Every word we utter, every act we perform, should be a reflection of God to the lost world around us. Our lives should be a witness to the love and mercy of God. My life is not my own. So why do I ignore the plight of the world around me? How can I love myself so much that I sacrifice the truth for my own self comfort and popularity??
These verses really convicted me... we all live in a lost and fallen world--a world with no hope, and a world where Christians are the only representation of Christ to the people. Every part of my life should be a representation of the perfect love of God to the people in my life. I fall short every time.

When Heroes are "Criminals"

Do you know what makes me sick? When I read about the men and women in service to our nation, placing their lives on the line in the interest of something greater than themselves--only to come home and be charged as murderers or criminals. Whether it is our policemen, border agents, or members of our nation's armed forces, these individuals are given an enormous responsiblility; these men and women work in the line of fire, placing themselves in danger to fulfill their responsibilities. To expect perfection is too much.
I recognize that there are some who abuse the power entrusted to them, and there are those who murder. But when the incident is even debatable... please give the soldier the benefit of the doubt. I seriously question any of our abilities to judge a soldier under fire, and condemn his or her actions without experiencing the feeling of waking up every day wondering if it would be your last, peering around every corner for the explosion that would end your life.
Our armed forces, law enforcement, etc... personnel are heroes. Yes, punish war crimes. But since when are soldiers under fire in a combat zone subject to prosecution, and since when do illegal immigrants have the rights of an American citizen??!!

A Hui Hou Maui...

Good-byes leave a bittersweet taste in my mouth. And today was one of those days where I was tasting bittersweetness all day. Bitter because I don't know when I will see some people again, or what the circumstances will be, or what could happen to pull us apart. But sweet because good-byes are also a reminder of how much we are loved. I can't even count the amount of hugs I got today. Goodbyes also signal not only the end of one chapter, but the beginning of a new one.
Today I went to the beach for one last time, and felt the silky sand once more, and floated in the warm, salty water one more time, and closed my eyes and inhaled the sea breeze, and felt the sun gently shining down, heard the palm trees rustling... one more time. I had to say goodbye to a part of me when I said goodbye to tropical sun, the warm Pacific, the palm trees contrasted with the blue, blue sky, the clear green mountains rising up, the fresh, island air...
But I can't only look backwards. I have to look forwards... forward towards a future filled with endless possibilites; forward towards another year of opportunity, another year of life. The world is at my fingertips... only home is out of reach. Me ke aloha, a hui hou... to the place I called home.

Freedom from Religion

A mandatory moment of silence in school.... and when did our country begin to view this as violating our freedom from religion (oops, I mean freedom of religion)? The whole point of the moment of silence is that Christians may pray, Jews may pray, Muslims may pray, Atheists may take a minute to think about their upcoming class/test, Buddhists can meditate, anyone can think of anything they want.... hmmmm... sounds like the school is providing for people of all religions (or none) with equal treatment, and zero discrimination. Perhaps what our forefathers envisioned? Freedom to practice your own religion? Think again. One Texas couple believes (hmmm, maybe a more neutral word like "thinks" would be more appropriate) that this state sanctioned moment of silence equals state sanctioned prayer... http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,292619,00.html
Now how they figured this one in their minds is beyond me... For the courts to rule with this couple in this case is a huge step towards the repression of the very freedoms our country was built upon. Our "freedom" is quickly becoming "those things that don't offend minorities or the ACLU". To claim a moment of silence equals state sanctioned prayer is ludicrous. What this couple is asking is not religious freedom, but religious oppression. Isn't that what purging our schools and government and society from all kinds of religion is? If we aren't free to practice our religion in the open, that makes us a society without the fundamentals of liberty. The very reason our forefathers came to this land was for religious freedom. Beware of the day when you can no longer walk into a church openly, or buy a Bible in the bookstore. Its a day our nation is fast heading towards. Just sit back and watch the American Civil Liberties Union make a mockery of the freedom we once enjoyed. Thats all it takes. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing" (Edward Burke).

A Weeping Woman

Now why is she crying? That's the question I asked myself today when I went out kayaking with my little sister Rebecca. We took out a one man kayak, and Becca perched on the front end, and I paddled us both out over the clear water. We headed out over the reef, looking for turtles the whole way. But as we passed some outcropping black lava rocks on the shore, I noticed the crouched figure of a woman. She was hunched over, and as she wiped her eyes and looked up as we passed, I noticed that she had a red, tear-stained face. I couldn't help thinking, why is she crying? From the water shoes to the white Maui hat, I could clearly tell the woman was a tourist here on vacation. She seemed to be about 30 years old... but what would cause her to come out alone on the lava rocks, to weep in such a lonely, yet peaceful spot?
She was there just a second, and then we were passed, our kayak pushed on by a swelling wave. I had to fight for a second to keep our kayak away from the jagged rocks, and when I looked up again, she had disappeared behind another outcropping rock. It's weird how seeing this woman weeping struck me. Such a small instance, but one that stuck in my mind through a long morning enjoying the beach, and a longer afternoon on a six mile hike through the Waihee Valley, followed by 30 foot jumps off a cliff into a resevoir. I am back in my room now, getting ready to go to bed... it was a long day, but I still wonder, why was she crying?

Maui No Ka Oi

I think I am starting to realize that I have been spoiled rotten. And I mean that. I grew up in Hawaii most of my life--from age 8 until 18... and then returned every Christmas and summer for a few years after that. Beaches were just the everyday activity... warm weather was the given... beautiful views were everywhere... and now that we are leaving our home, I feel like my heart will break. I didn't know someone could fall in love with a place. But I think that over time, I have done just that. I am in love with Maui, and I am dreading leaving it.

Today I went surfing again, and it was incredible to be out on the water with a friend, soaking in the sunshine, surrounded by the amazing ocean... (although the tourists trying to surf--and failing-- were a little annoying). But it is days like this that I just lose my breath with the beauty that surrounds me. It is days like today that I am thrilled to be alive... thrilled to breath in the salty air, close my eyes and hear the waves break on the sand, listen to the birds sing, and then open my eyes again and see the brilliance of the sun over the water, the beauty of the mountains....

Yes, I am spoiled rotten. I am also a fool for taking it for granted. yet still, I promise myself that I will come back. I will come back again to paradise. Maui no ka oi.

Hateful Rhetoric

One of the news items that caught my eye today was an article on the Duggar family... that is, the family with 17 children in Arkansas. And so I looked around more, and one of the articles I came across shocked me in its hateful, offensive rhetoric towards the family. The author made personal attacks on the family in a narrow-minded, bigoted manner. It seemed like he had nothing better to do than make crude remarks about Mrs. Duggar's sexual organs, or to disparage Christians as the narrow-minded bigots he portrays himself as. If you don't believe me, check it out yourself: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article/article?f=/g/a/2005/10/19/notes101905.DTL
However, even more disturbing were the comments following the article. Although many people supported the Duggar family, many others hatefully attacked the members of this family along with the author--oftentimes in personal, bitter attacks on hairstyles, or vaginal dimensions... Come on, people, get a life!! One of the things that surprised me the most was how so many liberals were for laws regulating how many children a woman should be allowed to bear. What in the world, people! You can't stand for pro-choice, and try to limit the size of a family. This is the rhetoric that is slowly eroding away the freedoms our nation once stood for. The Duggars are simply exercising their freedom of choice, and considering they are not any burden on the government, get off their case.
Right alongside these leftists were the right extremists who blindly supported the Duggars and their correctness before God. Blindly judging anyone who doesn't agree with your beliefs or faith is shoving God down their throats. I would choke on something shoved down my throat too. Read 1 Corinthians 13 again... "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal..." We can stand there and judge other people, but we only become hypocrites, and we do not honor God. We can't afford to sit on our high horses... get down, and learn to love people with the love of God. Only then can you make a difference.
As for the Duggar family... I would never want 17 kids... but I am appalled at the personal attacks made against them. To have my vagina as the object of crude jokes would be humiliating, and to have my children's sexuality debated by strangers would be offensive. I hope none of the Duggar children ever happens upon this article and reads debates and attacks concerning their parents' sexual activity, etc... This world is messed up. We are so filled with hate... and Christians are the worst offenders. Let's try to love our neighbors as ourselves, and not try to shove our beliefs down others' throats.

Praise Him on the Waves

I was paddling hard, and then harder, and with a sudden surge behind me, I felt the wave pick me up. I jumped to my feet, and in an instant, I was on top of the wave, riding down it, skimming across the surface of the water. Surfing is an exhilerating feeling, and today was no exception.
The conditions were far from ideal: choppy water, and stiff winds. But it was still a beautiful day to feel alive, and there were a few small sets that I was able to ride in.
Out on the water, sitting alone on a surfboard, seeing the sun setting as you scan the horizon for a bigger wave... its a peaceful feeling. Out there, you can feel the very presence of a Holy God... He is there in the wind, and in the waves. The ocean speaks to me of his power, but also reminds me of his mercy and love.
My heart is somehow at peace out on the waves. The daily worries of everyday life kind of falls away, and all time passes away.

"The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world."

Psalm 19:1-4

We are surrounded by testimonies of God's power, mercy, and love. How can we live our lives ignoring everything He has created?? Taking for granted the very miracles that give us life? Too often I get caught up in the headlong rush of the unimportant urgent things of life that I make so top priority, and I push God to the background.

That is wrong of me. He is my first, and only true priority. I want to live my life to glorify God, and praise him by exalting in his Creation. A good place to start is to praise Him on the waves-- in complete solitude, yet surrounded by evidence of His awesome might.

I Will Never Laugh at Another Lesbian Joke...

Yesterday I had an interesting experience. I was at work and I was approached by another girl, maybe 23 or 24 years old. She was very pretty, and she introduced herself to me. She said her name was also Rachel, and she had been looking for me. Then she told me she had a question for me, and then asked me, "Do you date other women?".
The first time I saw her, a few weeks back, I could somehow sense that this woman was a lesbian. Maybe it was the double take she did, or just her body language. I don't know. But when she approached me yesterday, I somehow knew what she was going to ask before she said a word.
I somehow mumbled my way through explaining that I was straight. But my heart went out to that young woman. I wish I had stopped her when she rushed out on me. I wish I had tried to talk to her more, try to be a friend for her... She seemed so lonely, so nervous. And when she left, she seemed so ashamed and let down.
I am praying for Rachel. She is leading a self-destructive, lonely life that will only lead to disappointment and perversion. She is trying to fill a natural, God-given need (our sexual desires) with a cheap, perverted imitation. But I don't condemn Rachel for where she is. No, she is merely a sinner like you and I. She does not know God, and without God, there is no light at all. She is vulnerable to the world's lies that there are sexual preferences, and if you are tempted towards a homosexual lifestyle, then you are naturally gay, and have the right to fulfill that preference.
No, she has it all wrong. Such behavior is a perversion of a beautiful portrayal of God's very relationship in the Trinity. Sex is for a man and a woman in the marriage state. All sexual behavior outside of this boundary is a perversion of God's word.
Rachel, if you ever get to read this, please know that I am praying for you, and please, don't feel condemned by me. You and I are no different. We are both sinners in the eyes of God. The only reason I can hope in my future and have joy in my present is because of Jesus Christ's death for my sins. He loves you. He died so that you can be no longer a slave to this lifestyle, but a slave to his love. Seek Him, and you will find Him.

Recognition Denied

Sir, Recognition requested.
Isn't that what we are all searching for in this life? Recognition? Recognition of our accomplishments, recognition of our abilities, recognition of who we are and what we do. Recognition equals acclaim. Recognition nurtures our egos, and fools us into believing we really are all we claim to be.
At USAFA, each class goes through Recognition, to be accepted into the Cadet Wing as upperclassmen. Each four-degree goes through a year of intense training and beat sessions, cumulating in a weekend to test them to the last... and in the end they hear "Recognition Granted". For most of them, they have earned this honor through their blood, their sweat, their tears. For their classmates who had washed out, they hear the resounding "Recognition Denied" bellowed through the dark halls in response to their names.
But back to real life. What do we seek recognition in? I know I seek recognition in all I do, though I deserve none of the praise. All glory and acclaim belong to my Lord and Savior, my Creator Father. Yet why do I ask the world for recognition?
Ma'am, recognition Denied.

Chasing the Wind

I feel desperately exhausted... I am craving sleep right now. I have had some of the longest days of my life the last few days, and I have at least four more days just like them coming up this week (the next four days)
I am finding out that life is tough... and then we die. Its a sucky world to live in. The only thing that keeps me going is my beliefs. One day, I am going to rise up from this messed up existence, and I am going to have a new existence, a new body, a new purpose. God promises us that this life is but a shadow... and I am looking forward with hope and expectation to the coming promise of reality.
But for now, all I can do is plough ahead, push through the bad, look forward with expectations to the coming future, trust God, and obey him.
Ecclesiastes in the Bible was written by King Solomon--the man who had everything. King Solomon was the richest man in the world. He was also the wisest. He was rumored to have 1,000 wives. He had fame, fortune, friends, women... he had a kingdom. Yet he spoke of his life as "meaningless"... just a "chasing after the wind". He recognized the insufficiency of the world to satisfy that deepest, inner craving we have for God. That empty hole we have in our heart cannot be filled with drugs, alcohol, sex, pleasure, riches, friendships, material possessions, etc... no. A few weeks ago in church, Kit said that man's deepest desire is to be loved by his creator. And all these cheap imitations do nothing to satisfy this deep craving. King Solomon in all his wisdom and glory was unhappy. He finally concluded that all we can do is trust and obey God. "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
Without God, I am lost. Without God, I am hopeless. He is the only reason I put up with my miserable existence, and I pray to God that he doesn't allow me to chase theses present shadows and forsake the coming glory of the future reality.

Whirling Thoughts...

I woke up at 3 this morning when the phone rang... and I had an adrenaline rush for those few minutes when you fear the worst, and fears rage through your mind... what happened? did someone die? what my world about to be turned upside down?
But it turned out to be nothing important. I woke up again at 630 to get ready for work. And today ended up being just another average day. Tomorrow, on the other hand, starts a whole new week... six straight days of water polo BABY! YEAH!
I love water polo. I could live off of it. But it will be some long days. Tuesday through Sunday, I will have to get up at 5 and won't be able to get to bed until 12 at the earliest. It will be tough getting through this week, water polo notwithstanding.
Matthew leaves tonight. He is going to Peru before he heads to Mississippi for pilot training. I leave back to school on the 10th of August, so I only have three and a half weeks left at home myself. My family is moving a few days afterwards... from Hawaii to Boston... talk about culture shock.
Another chapter in my life is closing. And I feel no closer to reaching meaning, or attaining purpose. I only wake up to find I have less time than before.

My Greatest Nightmare

Every day of my life, I am tortured by a memory... I get a sick feeling inside, my stomach ties up in knots, and I feel as if I want to vomit. I fight tears, I fight an insane anger and bitterness that rises up into my mouth. When I remember what I have done, and what has happened to me in this particular instance, I can't help but feel remorse, regret, and self hatred.
When I remember all that was ripped from me; when I recall the shame and pain I had to go through; when the memories haunt and hound me every hour of every day; this is my source, this is my motivation to prove everyone wrong and somehow make amends for what I have lost. Somewhere, somehow, I lost a dream. And that dream was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I carelessly gave up, yet was also ripped from my hands and my heart.
I feel nothing but bitterness here. I aim for nothing less than perfection to try to erase some portion of the stain, to lessen the memory, the torturing sickness that overcomes me. I take my anger, and I use it as my source, and my motivation to do all I was meant to do, more than I dreamed of, because my dreams were taken away. I cannot attain them anymore. I cannot reach lower. I aim higher.
In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "I have learned through bitter experiences the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world."
This is my hope. This is my vow.

A Wave on the Sand

Coming home from work today, I experienced something that took my breath away. In one blink of the eye, I realized how fragile and vulnerable my life is. I was almost hit by a driver on the highway who crossed over in my lane, and narrowly avoided hitting me head on. I was a few inches from dying tonight.
Such a near encounter shook me up immediately... I was shaking the remainder of the drive home. But since then, I can't shake from my mind the scariest part of it all: I was powerless to stop it. For a split second, my life was plainly shown to be out of my hands. That is a scary thought for someone who lives her life as if she is the one in control; as if I hold my life in my hands, and can protect it as I desire. No, my life is not in my hands; every precious second I draw breath could be my last- and I won't have a single word in the matter. Our lives are indeed a fleeting shadow... a breath of wind, and candle snuffed out. A wave on the sand lasts but an instant; our lives too come and go like a whisper on the wind.
How can I come to grips with this? How can I, or any other human being, come to realize that our lives are fragile; that we are mortal; that our lives are not our own. It is in revealing instants like the one I experienced tonight, that we realize to the best of our abilities our fleeting existence on this planet. To live as though we would live forever is foolish. Yet this is how almost all human beings choose to live their lives. We ignore the fact that our time allotted is winding down... we too will die, and it doesn't have to be at 80 or 90. It could be at 20; or 12; or 45.
The question is: am I ready to go? Are you ready to go? I need to begin living my life with an eternal perspective: an eternity outside of this world. Stop concentrating on the fleeting shadow of this life, and focus instead on the eternal. God has our lives in his hands. And considering He is all powerful, I think they are slightly more capable hands than my own. I thank God He held me in his Hand tonight, and that I can live my whole life protected by His loving arms.

Red, White, and Blue Musings

Tomorrow is the fourth of July... I am just working, and then hopefully at night my family will be able to have a cookout, and maybe a pool party or something, and then go watch the fireworks on the beach.
I wonder how many people stop and remember what this holiday stands for: our freedom, our identity as a nation, our pride in proclaiming liberty, and being willing to lay down our lives for these principles.
Or are we?
I know that when I was sworn into the military, and I swore to "support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic..." that I was ready and willing to lay down my life for our nation. The constitution is just a piece of paper; but the principles it embodies are far reaching and eternal. Our freedom has been bought as a price. It cost us the courage and sacrifice of our Founding Fathers, to hang together or hang separately. They stuck their necks out to stand up for what they believed in... and they stood strong. It has been bought with the very life blood of young men and women for over two hundred years... blood that has been cruelly seeped into the grounds of Europe, Asia, the Pacific Islands, Africa, the Middle East, and our very own homeland. Our nation is built on the sacrifices of parents burying their children; of old men forever scarred by the horrors of war.
But our freedom is more than something bought at the ultimate price. It is a privilege to be born free. But it is our DUTY to die free. I pray that we do not falter now in this time in our nation's history. We are at our strongest; yet we are at our weakest because we are willing to buy into the lies that freedom is free; that we will always remain free as we lay down our arms, and live in peace (read: mind our own business). Not true. Freedom must be continually fought for, or we will lose it forever in our complacency. To take freedom for granted is to give up our freedom. The recognition of its cost, and its vulnerable position in our society increases its value.
Let's not be the generation that sold itself its greatest gift into tyranny. Stand up for our nation, believe in her, but most of all, appreciate the liberties we are privilege to have as citizens of this great nation.

Life is Precious, Life is Sweet...

Tomorrow is my birthday.
One of the weird things about getting older, is that I stop and think about life in general. What has changed in the first 20 years of my life. I look at myself, and I am just a college student, home for the summer, working full time, and not at all certain about life.
I compare that to a few years ago when I was in a very different place, eighteen years old, in the military, and having a set career and a goal and purpose to work towards. Yet I can still be happy where I am at today. The world is still there, waiting to be grasped.
But I think about it, and I have already lived a fifth of my life, if not a fourth. And that scares me. I fear death like I fear no other thing on this earth. It is so unknown, yet so permanent. And time is so irreversible. The years are slipping away... and one day I will wake up and just be able to look backwards, because there are no years to look forward to. Already, my childhood and teenage years are past me. I can only look back on them with fond memories. Life is too short. The Bible reminds us that it is a fleeting shadow, a breath of wind, a wave on the shore. It is here but an instant, then gone forever.
One thing I desire here on this earth, and may this be the goal of this next year of my life, as well as the rest of my life: I don't want to waste my life. Every second is precious. Every second counts. I want to make the most of every opportunity to find joy and fulfillment in this passing shadow I call my life.

Humility is a Virtue

Tonight was another long day... Saturday at the pool was slamming, and we had hundreds of people coming through our gates. I got home after working all day in the sun, and made some chocolate cookies, and then did several hours of Spanish homework.
Last night at church was amazing. It was about how the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I go to church on Friday nights because I work Sundays, and that is my only time to get some fellowship and some much needed teaching. Proverbs 1:7 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction."
The wisdom of God may seem like foolishness to man, but man is inherently idiotic. We know absolutely nothing. The more we learn and discover, the more our eyes should be opened to the depth of knowledge yet to be attained.
The whole point though, is letting God control your life, and not controlling your own life. Believe me, He is much more capable of running your life. He is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving. He promised in His word that all things work together for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose.
I wish I was better at trusting God. But I am such a control freak sometimes. I want to psychomanage my life, and I overanalyze everything, and I am so stuck in my pride, that I am running my life, and running it well. What a stuck up assumption! Everything good in my life is a gift from God-- given to me despite my best efforts to thwart His Holy will. I came into this world with nothing. Everything I have is a gift, and it is arrogant to claim even the smallest portion of the credit.

Alone in Our Room

It fairly late at night... and I am alone in my room. Its been kind of weird having my own room to myself, since Andrea didn't come home this summer.
I just finished another week of work, and the next two days (Thursday and Friday) is my weekend! I am going to hit the beach tomorrow morning, and then later in the afternoon I am going into town to get some papers signed for a coaching permit and hopefully buy new sunglasses. Mine broke earlier in the week, and it has been kind of weird using taped up sunglasses.
Life is busy. My summer is pretty much working full time as a lifeguard, and also taking 7 credits of school before I go back to "real" school work. I have very little free time, which is why I value my "weekends" so much. I can't wait to hit the beach!
The rest of my life is kind of hitting a low right now though. I kind of feel like I am aimlessly wandering around, wasting my life. What in the world and I doing right now?? Life is so short. I don't want to waste a second of it. I guess that I might just have to reassess my priorities, and start living my life on purpose.